Healing Journey

I never thought I could go back to writing again until tonight. 2020 surely have changed so many things in our lives and for me it’s one of the toughest years so far. The year that teaches us how to let go of so many things we think we can control but we can’t. And even though it’s hard but we have to stay alive.

Surviving each day is hard for me personally, I’ve lost so many things I can look forward too. Sure everyone has been dealing with different battle during this pandemic. Some people may have lost their jobs or even their loved ones. The year that really teaches me that the people who care for us are the only that matter to help us get through this hardship. 

So many things happening in my life that make me thing that life is not worth living. There are days that I can’t barely wake up in the morning or sleep at night because I don’t think that I could survive all of these. As someone who is struggling with anxiety, this pandemic hit me really hard. And to feel that life is not on your side make it a little harder. 

And what make this year is even more hard is that I just realized that I’ve wasted my time on someone and ending up hurt. I feel so stupid for caring too much and let myself did things I should’ve never done. It’s been quite sometimes but I still feel horrible and extremely sad.

I hit rock bottom. I think I need some professional help but it’s hard to get appointment with a good therapist during pandemic. So try yoga, meditate, and take a long walk everyday. I feel a bit better each day, but I’m not going to lie there are still days I can’t control my feelings. I just let myself be sad and cry to let the emotions out. It’s not an easy journey, but I really want to try to heal.

Writing this blogpost took me 3,5 hours and a lot of tears. But it also made me feel so good that I can finally start writing/journaling again. And I decide to share the journey here on my blog that I’ve abandoned for 2 years.

See you on the next post!