Healing Journey: Cut Back on Social Media

During this pandemic, I have spent a lot of time on social media. I’ve shared too much and known too much that I should’ve. Then I had a talk with my mom that really changed my perspective. She asked me to never share everything I eat on social media. The reason why she said that was very simple, we never know that people out there may don’t have enough money even just to feed their loved ones because they’re out of their jobs. So sharing what you cook or what you eat is really insensitive to other people's feelings.

She really made me rethink about some things. A year ago I never thought I’d make my instagram account private because I want to show people of places I’ve been and all the foods I eat. I shared my daily life way too much and at some points it made some people made assumptions about me. And also I easily got triggered or stressed out seeing what people’s share on social media. So I decided to delete some of my posts on instagram and limit myself from sharing too much and seeing too much. On top of that I also curate who I follow and what content I see on Instagram. It’s hard, very hard. As someone who is always active on social media and use social media in daily basis for work, limit my time and what I share on social media was maybe the hardest thing to do. But I also know that I need to be mindful with what I’m doing because it could impact my mental health and also other’s.

And for now, I get use to it. And I love the feeling of knowing less or even not knowing anything at all.

Until my next blog post!

Healing Journey

I never thought I could go back to writing again until tonight. 2020 surely have changed so many things in our lives and for me it’s one of the toughest years so far. The year that teaches us how to let go of so many things we think we can control but we can’t. And even though it’s hard but we have to stay alive.

Surviving each day is hard for me personally, I’ve lost so many things I can look forward too. Sure everyone has been dealing with different battle during this pandemic. Some people may have lost their jobs or even their loved ones. The year that really teaches me that the people who care for us are the only that matter to help us get through this hardship. 

So many things happening in my life that make me thing that life is not worth living. There are days that I can’t barely wake up in the morning or sleep at night because I don’t think that I could survive all of these. As someone who is struggling with anxiety, this pandemic hit me really hard. And to feel that life is not on your side make it a little harder. 

And what make this year is even more hard is that I just realized that I’ve wasted my time on someone and ending up hurt. I feel so stupid for caring too much and let myself did things I should’ve never done. It’s been quite sometimes but I still feel horrible and extremely sad.

I hit rock bottom. I think I need some professional help but it’s hard to get appointment with a good therapist during pandemic. So try yoga, meditate, and take a long walk everyday. I feel a bit better each day, but I’m not going to lie there are still days I can’t control my feelings. I just let myself be sad and cry to let the emotions out. It’s not an easy journey, but I really want to try to heal.

Writing this blogpost took me 3,5 hours and a lot of tears. But it also made me feel so good that I can finally start writing/journaling again. And I decide to share the journey here on my blog that I’ve abandoned for 2 years.

See you on the next post!

The Biginning: Amsterdam Trip Part 1

Yup, setelah post cerita sebelum perjalanan beberapa minggu lalu, sekarang kita memasuki cerita perjalanan gue dari Jakarta ke Amsterdam. Okay, it was gonna be my very first long flight so I made sure that semuanya akan baik-baik saja contohnya dengan mencari flight dengan layover paling sebentar karena gue takut bosen menunggu (hmm padahal ngga mungkin juga sih haha). Karena beli tiket mepet karena baru beli setelah visa keluar dan biar murah (walaupun tetep aja mahal sih pengen nangis gue 😓) jadi gue beli tiket bolak-balik Jakarta - Amsterdam naik Turkish Airlines dengan waktu layover tersebentar dibanding Qatar Airways.

Karena kurangnya pengalaman dan ngga tanya sama orang dulu jadi ternyata layover cuma 2 itu bikin deg-degan sodara-sodara. Bandara Istanbul tuh kecil banget dan kita harus naik bus pas turun dari pesawat dan antrian check-in gila padahal waktu transit gue cuma 2 jam aja. Setelah penuh dengan harap-harap cemas karena saat waktunya udah boarding gue masih antri check-in untuk flight selanjutnya, tapi syukurlah gue ngga ketinggalan pesawat selajutnya karena ternyata pesawat selanjutnya delay karena ada kerusakan elektrik gitu yang bikin entertainment monitor ngga nyalah dan AC juga ngga dingin. Flight hampir 3 jam, pas landing badan lengket gara-gara keringetan, jadi berasa naik angkot 😂

Sampai Schiphol tentunya gue sudah disambut oleh Mami (my friend's mom) dengan setangkai mawar, this was just beyond sweet. Than we headed to her home in Amersfoort yang cuma sekitar setengah jam naik kereta. After took a rest, we went to Amsterdam the next day. Alasan gue ke Amsterdam cuma satu sih, cuma gara-gara gue pengen ke Moco Museum selebihnya ngga tertarik juga buat explore Amsterdam. I know, that's just weird. Well yeah that's me haha.

Moco Museum is definitely the coolest museum I've ever visited. Beda banget dari museum lain yang biasa isinya benda-benda peninggalan sejarah dan karya seni, Moco Museum itu berisi karya dari street artist terkenal dunia Bansky yang terkenal karena street art dia yang juga sarat akan pesan dan protes, tapi ada juga karya dari Roy Lichtenstein yang terkenal dengan pop art-nya.

Here are some pics I took from the museum:

Beberapa foto di atas adalah beberapa karya Bansky yang ada di museum ini. Sebenernya banyak sih, hanya saja foto-foto yang gue ambil jelek jadi ngga gue masukin di sini haha.

Well selanjutnya adalah pop artkarya Roy Lichtenstein:

Dan lagi, ini hanya beberapa yah karena foto-foto yang lain kurang bagus haha. Jadi di museum ini, karya Roy Lichtestein dan Bansky itu dipisah dan punya ruang dan bagian masing-masing. Dan yang unik banget, walaupun museum ini isinya street art dan pop art, tapi bangunan museum ini itu tetap bangunan tua yang letaknya di Museumplein Amsterdam yang tentunya sangat strategis karena ngga jauh dari Rijkmuseum dan Van Gogh Museum.

So far, Moco Museum is one of the coolest museums I've ever visit and surely will be back again in the future.


Thanks for reading and until my next blogpost!

Finally have the courage to write again after all the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been through in these past weeks.

Jadi, beberapa bulan terakhir gue disibukan dengan persiapan untuk perjalanan impian gue. Sungguh bikin stress dan deg-degan tingkat dewa banget. Kenapa bikin stress dan deg-degan? Yup, itu karena gue beneran urus sendiri semuanya dan hanya berbekal informasi dari internet dan tanya ke beberapa temen-temen. It’s my very first time pergi ke luar negeri yang pake visa dan bukan negara asia juga. So can you imagine how scary it was? Haha sebenernya ngga seserem itu sih, gue lebih stress karena takut ngga dapet visa bukan gara-gara pergi sendiri sih. 

So berbekal keyakinan, doa, dan informasi dari internet gue apply visa schengen sendiri ke VFS yang mewakili Kedutaan Belanda untuk pembuatan visa. Tidak hanya deg-degan karena takut berkas-berkas yang dibutuhin kurang lengkap, tapi pilih schedule untuk submit berkas itu loh juga bikin deg-degan. Dengan sangat nekat dapet schedule untuk submit berkas 3 minggu sebelum keberengkatan dan yak semakin was-waslah hidup gue. But thank God, everything went so smooth and I got my visa just 5 days afterward *sujud syukur tak ada henti* :))

Setelah itu semuanya smooth sih, karena beneran tinggal beli tiket dan book Airbnb untuk di Milan (yup, karena selebihnya udah di-book semua dan sisanya nebeng di rumah kolega). Kalau dilihat dari itinerary, mungkin trip gue kali ini bakal aneh banget rutenya karena satu dan lain hal yang tentunya alasan personal. 

Jadi in total gue cuma mendatani 3 negara dan bukan tourist spots juga karena memang rencananya ngga mau jadi turis sih hahaha. Jadi negara yang gue datengin adalah Belanda, Italia, dan juga Jerman, tapi paling lama di Belanda sih  karena gue stay di sana lebih dari 10 hari haha. 

Jadi cerita detail tentang trip gue akan dilanjutkan di beberapa blogpost berikutnya yah supaya rapih dan ngga terlalu panjang isi per postnya. ‘Til next post!